You want a promotion at work, a better relationship, greater success in your business, more joy…and a dozen other things in your life.
If you’re like most people, you rack your brain trying to come up with different ways to change the current script of your life by trying different tactics, but you always seem to find yourself back at square one, in a vicious loop of frustration and disappointment.
I know. I have been there many times.
Not too long ago, I was listening to a podcast that talked about being rather than doing and it was a lightbulb moment for me. I started to think about my own behaviors and practices and how they defined me as a person. I wondered if I was living in a way that reflected who I wanted to be as a human.
I asked myself tough questions, such as “ What kind of mom and wife do I want to be and how do my daily behaviors reflect that? For example, I know I want to be loving, devoted, and nurturing and someone who always puts family first, but how do I show that this is who I am rather than what I do? In my role, I cook, clean, plan fun activities, and so much more, but am I leading with these actions rather than from a place of love and devotion? Do I consistently communicate love in the way that I look at, speak to, and treat my family? Do they know that they are my top priority by my behavior toward them? I’d like to think so but it was definitely something to reflect on.
The reality is that most of us “do” to “be”. We seem to chase the things that we want by certain actions. Let’s say you want to lose weight and get in shape. You make a few changes in your diet, start a gym membership, and begin sharing your journey on social media. The problem is, you have not yet embodied the belief that you are healthy and fit. You are targeting your weight issue by doing a number of things to reach your goal. Eventually, your deeper beliefs about who you are will prevail and you will find yourself back where you started. It sucks, I know.
Here’s how I figured out how to achieve what I want in life by focusing on who I am at my core rather than continuing to do the things I used to believe would get me there.
- I took some time to really evaluate my values. I got clear on the things that mattered most to me. I am a big journal junkie, so I wrote these things out with a good old pen and paper (or notebook). For me, I narrowed my values to love, honesty, good health, authenticity, dedication, selflessness, humility, strength, optimism, and a few more. I then sat with each of these qualities and wrote out a few ways in which I regularly show that I embody them. In order to embody a quality, you have to be it. You can’t pretend to be confident. You have to be confident. You can’t pretend to believe in something. You have to believe it. You can’t pretend to be healthy. You have to be healthy.
But how do you be something?
- You practice it. You shift your thoughts. You can do that, you know? You repeatedly remind yourself of who you are and you show up as that person until you truly are what you envision. If you are committed and you stay at it, you will become who you wish to be. From there, things will begin to fall into place. Of course, there are a ton of ways to get help with this process- work with a coach, read a book, listen to podcasts, and journal, journal, journal! When you are ready for change, change will happen.
I can’t tell you how good it feels to be healthy, confident, and courageous and to show up as this person wherever I go. I no longer ‘do the things’ I think will bring me closer to where I want to be, I simply am. I know now that I will never have to chase another thing again. I will achieve it naturally by who I am.
A promoted person is grateful, hard-working, dedicated. Be those things. Promotion will follow. A person in a happy relationship is kind, loving, respectful, committed. Be those things. A strong relationship will result. A healthy person is conscious of what they consume and prioritize healthy behaviors and activities. Be those things. Good health will ensue.
Be who you want and then do from that place. You do not attract what you want- You attract who you are. You be, then do. This principle has helped me immensely and I know it will do the same for you.
All the best,